Affects of Being Abused

Even though you get out of an abusive situation it does not mean that all of the problems go away. I felt the effects of being abused for over 5 years and I believe it was only a miracle of God that healed me.

After doing some research, I determined that I had the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One of the symptoms is panic attacks. Sometimes all I had to do was have a certain thought come into my mind and I’d have a panic attack.

I would get this awful feeling of fear and desperation. For quite some time I had trouble remembering things. I cried a lot.

I could not handle anything stressful very well. I had jobs where I allowed people to take advantage of me because I was used to just being nice when I was being abused by Jim. When this happened it traumatized me and basically paralyzed me so I couldn’t do much of anything. I still tried to do things and get things done even though it was really hard.

Often during this time even the slightest obstacle would discourage me and I would just give up. This was not the “real” me.

I was able to talk to people when I needed to. Sometimes I couldn’t even do something as simple as make a phone call. Driving a car was stressful so I didn’t drive much.

At one job, some of the things my boss did reminded me of how Jim had abused me and this caused me to have panic attacks and feelings of fear. My body would go weak.

Sometimes when I had something stressful happen I would feel a warm surge start at the top of my legs and go all the way down my legs and then I’d feel weak all over like a limp rag.

I dreaded and greatly feared ever seeing Jim again or having to talk to him on the phone. Fortunately, I never had to see him again except in court because he wouldn’t agree to list our house for a reasonable price so it would sell.

At another job I got so sick I started missing a lot of work and finally quite my job. I believe the stress made me sick. I couldn’t handle the stress because of my past abuse.

During this time I would just start to feel better and joyful and then I would drop back down into feeling terrible mentally. It was as if I would start to feel better and the devil would snatch my little bit of joy away from me. Gradually, though, this got less and less and I’ve been able to be joyful again. Praise God! 

It was really scary to plan things because I might run out of energy. What was really scary was that it was an intermittent problem. I might start out with an activity and halfway through I might get so weak I didn’t know if I could continue.

Sometimes I made plans for a youth trip, or to teach a Bible class at church, and by the time it came time to do it I was so weak I didn’t know how I was going to do it. This happened over and over again. But I went ahead and planned these activities and asked God to give me the strength to get me through them and He did.

How God Healed Me

I asked God over and over what was wrong with me. I believe God showed me that Jim “broke my spirit” like it says in Proverbs.

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?” Proverbs 18:14

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” Proverbs 15:13

I don’t get panic attacks anymore. I don’t get the terrible feelings of fear and desperation that I used to. I don’t feel weak all over when something stressful happens.

I didn’t even know I was being abused until after I was away from Jim. I was at a seminar and they were describing the traits of an abusive situation or abuser.

Some of the traits are: Control, Fear, Not wanting you to have friends, Stalking, Intimidation, and Threats.

One time Jim said, “The spirits have told me that I am to have you.” These were the evil spirits that told him this.

Many people in abusive situations are in denial about their situation. They do this, I believe, because they can’t face the reality of what is really happening to them. It’s like a survival technique.

‘In "Stalking - An Overview of the Problem" (Can J Psychiatry 1998;43:473-476), authors Karen M Abrams and Gail Erlick Robinson write: "Initially, there is often much denial by the victim. Over time, however, the stress begins to erode the victim's life and psychological brutalization results.

‘Sometimes the victim develops an almost fatal resolve ... Victims, unable to live a normal life, describe feeling stripped of self-worth and dignity. Personal control and resources... and the severity of the stress may all influence how the victim experiences and responds to it ...

‘Victims stalked by ex-lovers may experience additional guilt and lowered self-esteem for perceived poor judgement in their relationship choices. Many victims become isolated and deprived of support when employers or friends withdraw after also being subjected to harassment or are cut off by the victim in order to protect them...’

“Surprisingly, verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse have the same effects as the physical variety (Psychology Today, September/October 2000 issue, p.24). Abuse of all kinds also interferes with the victim's ability to work. Abrams and Robinson wrote this (in "Occupational Effects of Stalking", Can J Psychiatry 2002;47:468-472):

‘... (B)eing stalked by a former partner may affect a victim's ability to work in 3 ways. First, the stalking... often interfere directly with the ability to get to work (for example, flattening tires or other methods of preventing leaving the home).

‘Second, the workplace may become an unsafe location if the offender decides to appear. Third, the mental health effects of such trauma may result in forgetfulness, fatigue, lowered concentration, and disorganization. These factors may lead to the loss of employment, with accompanying loss of income, security, and status.’"

The complete article can be read at: http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/spousal_domestic_abuse/116826